While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
