Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
