Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
