even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
