im drinking this country out of the recession.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
