Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
