I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
