She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
