so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
