This is not my ceiling
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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