what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
