i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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