you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
