ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
