We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
