the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
