Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
