I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize