Best friends brother. Beat that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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