This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
