I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
