i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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