I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
