How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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