i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone came in the potted fern
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
