This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
