This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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