mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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