It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i think my mom watched the whole time
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
