This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
