you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
