I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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