haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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