I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
