theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
