But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
