Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
