we made out on top of his cat.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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