I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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