she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
