there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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