I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
