I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
