I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize