his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
