when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
