im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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