after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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