Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
