Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Found the puke drawer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
