aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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