he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
