Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
