i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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