so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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