it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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