my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
