BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
