Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
