so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
