I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
