thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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